My Greatest Fear

It's unfortunate.

It's devastating. It's sad. 

But as I sink looking for a gasp of air. 

I realize it is water I am injecting. 

Slowly dissipating. Wallowing in my chaotic.

One last time. One last gulp. 

My greatest fear. 

Not drowning. 

Loving.

S.K.

Hey Jason

Hey Jason
You remember the the first time we met
I was coming off shift and you were arming up
Fresh just back from overseas
You asked who I was and
I defiantly said who are you
You said hey ass hole respect my rank
With a smiley smirk that only ass holes have
I knew right there I liked you
Hey Jason
You remember when you punched me in the ear
At that dive bar in Peoria all because
I gave you girlfriend advice
I was wrong
Hey Jason
You remember running in my dorm room
In Saudi Arabia in your underwear
Because you heard me yell German porn
Hey Jason
You remember you teaching me to
Ride your dirtbike the same day I taught you
To ride my Harley Davidson
Hey Jason
You didn't know this but that house you had
Built in El Mirage well I peed on the dirt in the
Middle of the night right where the door went
Hey Jason
I miss the fart room
HEY JASON
COME BACK
I'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME
I NEVER WILL

These Are My Tears

These are my tears
They are all that I have
Formed from my brain
Channeled from my heart
They flow symbolically
With no judgement
With no thought of deceit
They mean no harm
They come
They go
At any moment
In any situation
These are my tears
They are all that I have
They have questions
They have dreams
They have no limitations
There are no lengths they will not go
To prove themselves
To exude only the purest form of emotion
The emotion of the only thing that matters
The infinite truth of love
These are my tears
And they are all that I have

Invisible

You are there in plain sight
Visible for all to see
Vibrant in color
Yet vague in demeanor
Movements feel real
Speech is monotone
A visceral contrast from before to now
Eyes see everything
All angles and all perspectives
Ears hear all the rhetoric
From all directions and in all languages
Cerebral lyrics digested and diagnosed
Scents of all kinds roam through the smoke
I'm here
Aren't I
A solemn sadness hovers over gestation
Inevitable
The sounds of merriment no longer heard
Blindness settles in
And feels comfortable
It waits for completion of its mission
Orders were given
A slow dissipation
No urgency
Time for denial
Time for self suffocating
Grasping for one last stronghold
But the heart is not enough
No one sees me
The undeniable truth sets in
Hey you
Your invisible

Disappear

Tell me about those days, when you stood on a thin line between dreams and reality, watching it  disappear slowly. All of a sudden there is no difference between both. And you get tore apart into nothingness. Where your mind always asked you to be awake, scared of being haunted by dreams and your heart asked you always to fall asleep, to escape from the hands of reality, because it haunted you too. The madness of it all. Constant consummation of goodness destroyed. Failures rise up until your nothingness concludes within your body. Tears are real in both states of mind. There is only one option. Disappear.

Man's Downfall

The inevitable downfall of man. A man with imperfections. A man misunderstood at times but perfectly clear most times. A man with flaws, but ultimate kindness. A Cancer full of possibilities. A man self aware of his idiosyncrasies, yet willing to adapt to any habitat. A man that smiles because it's his being. But a man with sadness because we are all human. A man confused. A man apart. Unsatisfying and no regrets. Love of life but broken. A man who sees his purpose. A man who lives. A man who makes others better. Mostly. But not enough. A man of sacrifice. A man with a hole. Not in his heart, but his soul. An old vet with vitality. But vitality currently dim. A man with tears. A man with joy. A man with understanding. A man with goodness. A man on a path who had light, but no longer. A man in darkness. A man who had fallen. But a man who will get back up. A man mistreated unjustified, but a man with forgiveness infinitely. In the end there is no downfall of man. There is just a man and whether in darkness or light, man will prevail.

Untitled New Song

Working on a new song inspired by Damien Rice
Meant to be read in a slow monotone melody with a guitar.

Let me in
Only for awhile
Till I can see again

The world's not the same
Feels like hope is out the door
I want to hide
And not search anymore

Let me in
Just for a minute
So I can feel again

When is the end
How do we move forward
Towards where we should already be
I see your room
Full of white flowers
Made from your tears and love

Let me in
Not for too long
As I am lost again

The world's not the same
Feels like love is in the room
Tonight and always
Eternity is locked in the white flowers
As I lay here

Let me in
Need another moment
While I find myself

Fragments

From the beginning
We witnessed it all
We felt it in our core
We took it all in
We saw kindness
We were given love
We saw malevolence
We sensed anger
We disguised violence
We lived chaos
We never understood confusion
We were just not ready
Adolescent minds
Somewhere between then and now
We gained substance
Our senses grew roots
We learned astonishment
We kept vitality
Love was the constant
But in many different unexpected forms
The formula changed
Yet my recollection states it is the same
I still can't decipher the uncertainty
Perplexity never gives hope
Analysis of life gives no solace
Mistakes come to the forefront
No matter the magnitude
No matter the benevolence
It hits like a typhoon
Realization that death is not loss of body
Secluded in my thoughts
Alone with their words
Fear of being what I never wanted to be
I weep

No Truths

We never know the difference
It's all just fallacies anyway
Right or wrong
Wrong or right
We make justified decisions erroneously
We deny our self truth
We walk on the edge of radicalism 
We face our fears of truism
Only to be metaphorically slapped
Only to be denied what we think we deserve
We agree to the ideologies
But we simply don't understand
We never will
Kindness never existed
Hope was only a word
Sacrifice exist
It lingers around us
Creating connotations of grandeur
Creating falsification
Truth hiding in an upside down realm
Our existence hiding downside up
In another realm beyond truth

Awake

I awake
Not knowing what is reality
Feeling as if in a dream
Circumventing dillusions
Perspiration fleeing me like millions of refugees
I feel pain in my upper quadrant
My head spins in a downward spiral
My feet feel as if carrying 1000 burdens
My innards burn excruciatingly
My eyes are in a state of shock
There is no scent
My thoughts disappear
I'm awake

Sight

I see you from a distance
I see you up close
I see you in my dreams
I see you in my reality
I see you in the light
I see you in the darkness
I see you when I'm sad
I see you when I'm happy
I see you when I'm sober
I see you under that spell
I saw you yesterday
I see you now
I see you tomorrow
I see you everywhere
I see you as you are
I see you as you want to be
I see your goodness
I see your evil
I see your past
I see your future
I see your world
I see you.

Real World

Awake. Are you? How can you tell? Are your dreams better than real life? Do you go to bed  early or take naps just to go on a date with your sensational thoughts? In which realm do you smile more? In which reality does your better version lie? Are they the same? Be honest. The version where you create the most positive energy. The one where you live a free purposeful life. Where you laugh, he laughs, she laughs, they laugh and ultimately we laugh. When your mind is bending, do you appreciate who you are and where you are from? Start living in the real world.

Thought Of The Day

Sometimes life gives you shit, but why are you complaining? When it rains you'll have shrooms.

XXX: THE RIDE

She is innocent. Naive even. Beautiful and busty. A smile worth a million dollars in every currency. But still immune to ever having satisfaction. She thinks she has a clue. But she doesn't. She has never in her lifetime felt true bliss. She may have come close. She may have even been on a nice long ride through which vibrations were felt throughout her loins and deep inside her walls. But the game has changed. A new ride. A smooth driver. A gas tank for days. And when she rides she will feel every gear. Every stroke. And it will begin a sensational combustion that will explode her insides for an essence of time. When the ride is over the ride will begin. Bent over the gas tank. Across the La Perla leather seat. Stroke after stroke. The engine still on. An emotional roller coaster seen only through mirrors and newly polished chrome. Scream after scream. And when she got home. SHE KNEW SHE FINALLY WENT ON A RIDE.

Chaos

I have created my own chaos

Possibly from past sins

Haunting me in a life full of life 

The past always comes back they say

With fierce winds and carnage

Only the strong survive He says

I hear the chaos coming

Screams

It's cold

Darkness

All alone

I'm down to zero

Scared with a scarcity of hope

My body begins to fail 

It's almost time to go

Dorothy are you there

Jason are we going to ride 

I hear a voice

I hear two voices

Than laughter

And a third voice

Although in darkness I feel smiling

Can you feel smiles

I do 

My heart burns like a light was lit

It feels like a hug 

Like a kiss

Like love

A memory passes

Another memory 

And another

I see them

Happy days

Perfect moments

Clarity comes over me

Injected into chaos like a serum

It's warm

I can see in front of me

A light

Another chance

Opportunity

I can taste it

I want it

My destiny

Miura

So I saw her. And she was beautiful. Not like love at first sight, but like love as if we had spent a lifetime together in 3 previous lives. What I like most is the simple fact that she would not be accepted in these times. 29 years ago she was in her prime with a core that drove men wild. 29 years later she would be judged and tried for crimes of hideousness. But that is not what I saw on this night. I saw her inner beauty. I saw her flame, that although now dim, gave me a purpose in life to bring her back to life. The years had been rough on her, but when we touched that all went away. All the labors and tribulations. All the ruggedness and marks left on her body. All the unappreciative demeanor's encountered each and everyday. With one look and one slight touch from my inner being all of her trials were washed away. And mine with hers. I see a new beginning. I see new journeys. I see open roads and new paths that only we can conquer. Together. It has been a long time since I have felt completed. And now I am unstoppable. But I do have tears for another. And although she is just away, I know I will see her again. And when we are a family, there is no territory that will go unconquered. There will be no road that our wheels have not touched. We will know no boundaries. We will have no limits. We will just ride. From sunrise to sunrise. All we will have is one another. In this life and in all others.
  

Life's Print

Birth

Love

Happiness

Hurt

Pain

Disgust

Contempt

Hate

Love

Withdrawals

Passion

Hate

Loneliness

Rebirth

Life

Freedom

Death

Gargling Milk

Headnote:
This should be sang to any beat you have in your mind at this very moment. Also this should be sang to another person male or female. Please do not sing to animals or a family member or even children. If possible play a few strums on a guitar of your liking for added effects.

I want you to gargle some milk
I want you to gargle some milk
Please please gargle some milk
I said please please gargle some milk
I want to watch you gargle some milk
I want to watch you gargle some milk
Will you gargle the milk?
I said will you gargle the milk?

I saw a white girl walking down the street.
And I said to her. What I said to her.

Have you gargled some milk?
Will you please gargle some milk?
Can I watch you gargle some milk?

I saw a white girl sitting on the bus.
And I said to her. What I said to her.


Have you gargled some milk?
Will you please gargle some milk?
Can I watch you gargle some milk?


I saw a hot white cougar mingling at a bar.
And I said to her. What I said to her.


Have you gargled some milk?
Will you please gargle some milk?
Can I watch you gargle some milk?

What I really said was.
Hey baby.
Will you gargle MY milk!



This wholesome melody was inspired by:
www.whitepowermilk.com 

Lost Souls

Out in the world. Searching for life. Lost souls.
Elegant drawings. A smile to die for.
New beginnings. Erased memories.
New emotions. Her hair waving in the wind. A ride.


Beautiful words. Sundresses. Positive energy.
Tequila on her body. Laughter from her lips.
Ridiculous banter. Sunshines instead of darkness.
Wild rebellion. Reckless abandon. An uprising.


I see you in the dusk. I see you in the dawn.
I see your evils and I see your goodness.
But most of all I see you.
Out in the world searching for life.

Annoyed

I awake from a dream like milk from a goat and the first thing I see are lights from all directions. I can’t determine just yet the source but I felt like the wind was beneath my being. Like I was floating and yet my feet were on the ground. When I regain my senses I am allowed to regain my breath. And I smell honey and larkspur. How I know these smells I have no idea. I am conscious. I am alive. That was all that mattered. I had mind and body, but no spirit. When I sold my soul, I specifically remember in the contract that there was a date to be determined. There is no way that date was today. I read the fine print didn’t I? I am annoyed by the lights. I am annoyed by this feeling of relentless abandoned. I am just annoyed. Can I go back to the dream?