* I watched a guy tonite who made people laugh and cry with his sushi.
*I watch as this man created masterpieces and filled people with hope and happiness.
*Sometimes life gives you lemons........Fuck that. What do you do when life gives you hand grenades? That's what I thought
*He turned Mackeral from the shit fish to Ariel's father. Why not her best friends were a crab and a fish.
*Just played a joke on a stranger in restroom.....he was not amused.
* http://twitgoo.com/vdu1j ....just met tucker max.
*Who would win in a fight between two no titty broads?
*Jack Johnson just sucked me off...know that world
*Instead of seeing kickass I wish I would of got my ass kicked
*It's a new day full of careless thieves and new old sagas.
*He doesn't like hippies so he won't Fuck organic fruit.
*I feel like I'm in a comedy drama sitcom called Boredom.
*http://twitgoo.com/lfsq0 a map to gollums ass hole.
* I feel like march madness is a term used by serial killers or in chicken coops
*Mexicans are the fastest zig zag runners in the world.
*Just heard someone say. I love weenie. But they meant I love weezer
*I feel like pooping should be an Olympic sport. There could be amazing camera angles.
*Revenge is sweet. Like Swedish breast milk.
*Just saw big black dude in a BMW Z3. Hilarious.
*I once ate a roach for protein. It was the 90's
*I feel like I could be the Mexican member of Wu-tang.
*I feel like a stormtrooper with no name who just ate an ewok for lent.
*Whats the weirdest thing you have ever put your finger in?
*I got all my love making skills from top gun. Thank you Goose.
*Sometimes in life we have to acknowledge that the world is not on our side.
*That's not s happy trail that's a happy freeway.
*If this is like cedar, than this is like mini cedar.
These are all comments heard today while under Operation Evesdrop.
--I have worms
--My tampon is leaking
--My butt itches
*Looking for the meaning of life via phone sex.
*Met a real men's figure skater in work bathroom. Apparently he has cramps.
*To all the cholos' of the world: dickies are 40% off at Kohls.
My Favorite:
"The hangover on blu ray is better than gay sex" dude at best buy...wowsers!
A farewell joke:
Knock knock? Whos there? BALLS. Balls who?
just BALLS. we dont have a last name. CAN WE COME IN?
