My Query Today

I just heard this quote.
“A puff of kif in the morning makes a man as strong as 1,000 camels in the courtyard.”

Could this possibly be true?

Your thoughts?

Hate Crimes

I witnessed a hate crime. And it was towards me. But why? Because I am of Mexican descent. Because I ride a motorcycle? Because I use Hempz? Is it due to the fact I never fully fill up my car with gasoline? Or is it because I fly kites? Did this heinous act occur because of my love for Thundercats? Or was it a hit? Am I a wanted man? Is the fate of the USA in my hands and terrorists want me killed? Am I a secret spy and have lost my memory? Why was a hate crime committed against me? Why? I mean this hate crime was vile. Nasty even. The deviants that constructed this vulgarity against me had to be the worst of the worst. They had to be monsters. One of them had to be named something like "Agent 55" and maybe "Dr. Smoke Monster." It may take me years to recover. What these haters did was out of pure remorse for humanity. Pure remorse for me. Are you ready for the horrific details of this hate crime? THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHED. These assassins took out my laundry which were drying in a 75 minute cycle and put their laundry in instead. They stole my $1.75. Stole it. And not once but twice. They did this to two of my dryers. These hitmen than had the audacity to put my laundry back in as if nothing ever happened. How much hate do you have to have in your heart to do this criminal act. And again what did I do? Who hired you?
The world is a sad sad place.

Secret Revealed

Its time for me to confess. This is embarrassing too. I absolutely positively with no qualms or doubts love JUSTIN BIEBER. There I said it. Happy now. I have dreams about the kid ok. I love his music. I sing his tunes in the shower. I intentionally google him to get all the latest updates. I follow him on twitter and facebook. I have his pictures on all of my backgrounds. I have recently looked into changing my name to Bieber. I just simply love the lad alright, Not in a Law and Order SVU kind of way, but more in a platonic infatuation for the kids talents. I mean those moves. That voice. And I am not a fan of Canadians. I mean I hate the Toronto Raptors. And when the Bills play in Canada. Come on man. Thank you NFL lock out. But not to worry skeptical judge mentalists, I had this same man crush with Justin Timberlake. Maybe its a Justin thing. Either way it doesn't matter. I HAVE BIEBER FEVER.

Its Coming!

"Bartender I will have another."

 No, not True Blood fang bangers, but instead Canna Cola. Oh yes, move over "special brownies, and hello soda pot. Marijuana soda will be hitting dispensaries in Colorado and soon to your local California weed convenient stores. As fantastic as this news is, envision our world with soda pot machines in every sleezy motel and in every five star hotel. Think of the marketing we will see during each commercial break during the CFL. I say CFL as the NFL may not exist in the future, but I digress. Commercials with hot babes in bikinis drinking Orange Kush singing Redemption Song on a beautiful sandy beach followed by Jared from Subway enticing us with a three dollar footlong and an extra large Doc Weed (Dr. Pepper people). Companies will pay millions to advertise King Kong drinking a Grape Ape or even a stoner Curious George drinking the same beverage but with a banana twist. I can picture Drake in a commercial promoting Sour Diesel much like he did for Sprite only with a much catchier song that plays on every radio station in every city every minute of each day. Oh wait. Never mind. What about the Mexican population? These drinks, Canna Cola, look like Mexican soda pop known famously from the isles every Anglo skips at the grocery stores, Jarritos. Not only will Jarritos make a profit due to stoners nationwide confusing the two, but can also get into the market by branding their own mexican marijuana soda Marijarritos. Mexican Cartels you have my permission, but godspeed, you may be out of a job soon.  

Cocaine Trees

I would like to take some time to discuss in an open forum what I saw a few weeks ago in Northern California. Cocaine Trees. Now you will not hear about these on the news or will you be able to use google magic this time my friends. But these trees exist. I saw them with my one eyes. For legal reasons I cannot disclose exactly where they are at or even show you up close photos of what they look like that. From my understanding these Cocaine Trees are a sole proprietorship of the McLovin Cartel. You can google that, and I will tell you Tarantino has nothing on these guys. The bloodshed you will see will make you shit out a color of feces you will not want to see ever again. I discuss Cocaine Trees with you now to assist you with the understanding of the dangers associated with finding these trees and in my case tasting these trees. The high I got was nothing short of amazing. I felt like C3PO, but with Jedi powers aka "the force". But the next day I had a rude awakening. It has taken me two weeks to recover. Thank you McLovin Cartel. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Heed this warning followers: If you see a Cocaine Tree, get the fuck out of dodge.

A message from the Waves

We do not like what is going on in this world. I know we are to blame for Japan, but to be fair the earthquake started it. We do not back down ever. We are beautiful, but we are not weak. But now we have war. Again. We do not believe in the Mayan cryptic code, but when push comes to shove, we will do what we must to survive. We love the people of this world, but the signs are there. Enjoy your life. Live. Laugh. Share. Love. Time is running out.

Extra Extra Hear All a-bout it.

I have a secret......................................................................................Its good..............................................................OMG...............................................Your world will be rocked..................................................fucking rocked...............


Brought to you by:
Pepto Bismo.

Eye Witness

I thought it was dead. I thought it was over. Social media. Charlie Sheen. The Russians. Red Dawn. Shaq vs Kobe. And dont forget Ja Rule. But I saw it. I saw two lovers in love.

The way they looked into each others glass eyes. The way they glistened with each suttle movement. It was like all of their dreams had come true. They accepted each other unconditionally and with no judgement. They felt only love for each other. They knew of only one way to communicate. And no matter what each their age, they just loved. This day I witnessed lovers in love. And I am a better man for seeing it.

I dont know much about these lovers. One was born in 1999 and the other in 1996. One was from Northern California and the other from France. What I do know is that they were beautiful together. Thank you lovers. Thank you for giving the world hope. That love does exist. That we all are capable of love. That with love all things are possible. And that with love the world is a better place. I witnessed lovers in love. And life will never be the same.

Bromance gone wild

Step 1: Take friend on an airplane.
Step 2: Have pilot make believe plane is crashing.
Step 3: Have friend jump off plane with parachute.
Step 4: Friend will swim to nearby Island.
Step 5: Friend reaches Island and Wild Party ensues full of hookers and midgets.
Step 6: Friend passes out and everyone leaves.
Step 7: Friend awakes all alone.
Step 8: Friend commits suicide.

The unconditional downFall of man

"This is your life and its ending one minute at at time"
A narrator said this in Fight Club and never have multiple words sounded so real. Each minute elapses and Men are never any closer to understanding why we fail and why we fall. After multiple case studies and years of observations the only conclusive evidence ever glimpsed is WOMEN. Its sad as just the other day I witnessed the demise of a great man to that of the jezebelian ways of WOMEN. His mind was corrupted like that of a hard drive when infected with a trojan virus. His need to make peace and his choice to please drove a man mad. I saw it coming. I did nothing. But in this case I take no responsibility for a man actions. I take no responsibility for the unconditional downfall of Man. On this day I take solace in understanding that Man will fail and Man will fall. Its the natural course of the unidentifiable secret of life. Bon Voyage Man. Bon Voyage.

A conversation with Robert

"I had a lover's quarrel with the world." Robert Frost
A lover's quarrel? You mean a fight with your lover of the world. Did she stab you in the thorax? With a knife or shank? Your still alive did it not hurt? Do you have insurance?
And why the world. Is she from New Jersey? I mean what the fuck is going on with this lover's quarrel. Did you cheat on your lover of the world? Did she cheat on you with a black midget? Did she use her teeth? Robert dont you know that a quarrel is ammo for a crossbow? Was it even a quarrel Robert? Could it have been a mere commotion? A disagreement maybe? Or was it a battle? A caterwaul even? Even so it seems to me that your lover's quarrel with the world was not as epic as you made it out to be. I feel lied to Robert. I feel like you took my only dollar and bought a one way ticket to fuck you.
Either way I now have a lover's quarrel with the world.