LUBE (an original story)

I just fucked some hot sauce. And she was good. How good? Real good. I mean this shit was flavorful as if my buds were just awoken from a coma. This sauce was like a defibrillator and my mouth was the leading character in Flatliners. And no not that red headed dsl hooker Julia Roberts. But more like that man whom would later almost die 46 times during 8 seasons. Now this hot sauce was properly placed on some very well cooked home made street tacos. Steak. Tortillas corn. Hot sauce. I fucked it every which way. Bobby Flay could use this hot sauce and instantly make monkey balls a delicatessen. I feel like rat turds would be amazing with this hot sauce drizzled over it. My mouth just challenged me to engage this hot sauce onto some original Cheerios. Challenge accepted bitch. And before you start telling me that I am talking about Tapatio or Cholula, do me a favor and SHUT YOUR YAPPER. This delicious shit comes from Louisiana. It has a red fucking dot. And it is "original". I wish right now because of my foul mouth full of glorious vulgarities that a mother figure would curse me and attack my mouth with this hot sauce as a form of lewd punishment. And this mother figure would need to be as old as Helen Mirren and butt naked with a red dot on her forehead. I will not put up a fight and will take my red hot punishment as directed per all of the cultural standards set before my time. From this point forward and with the will of FREEMEN I vow to only use Louisiana Hot Sauce for all of my lubricant needs.